I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
be right there i have to get my cape
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
