well I can't set my house on fire every night
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
