Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
