just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were destined to go to rehab together
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
