After last night, I could never be a politician.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
