I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
