how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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