I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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