Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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