I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love having hate sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
