At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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