Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
