I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my phone needs a breathalizer
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
