You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
