I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
