My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
