4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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