yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
