I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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