I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
