I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
