I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
