he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
