I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
