The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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