I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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