Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
