Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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