I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
