She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
