May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
