If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
