Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
