Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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