Kiss
Puke
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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