Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body

(508): View more from Massachusetts

how many servings is brandon's dick?

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(347): View more from New York

k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza

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(516): View more from New York

The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.

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(315): View more from New York

In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Vagina status: the swelling is going down.

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