I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
