Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
