How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
