We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
