Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?

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(323): View more from California

my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night

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(317): View more from Indiana

Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai

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(618): View more from Illinois

I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.

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(727): View more from Florida

This is John, I met you downtown last night.

(407): View more from Florida

Oh, ok.

(727): View more from Florida

This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.

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