whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
