he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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