I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
