If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have post one night stand depression
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
