You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
