Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I party with great urgency now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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