sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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