i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
