k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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