if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't turn off my feet"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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