marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
