she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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