Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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