it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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