Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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