I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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