no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
