Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
