We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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